August 27, 2013 by talkaboutyork
Everyone thinks that winter is when you get fat. All that huddling in doors, eating warming stews and pudding, hibernating. It makes sense. We need the added layers of fat to keep warm. In contrast, summer is all salad leaves and exercise in the sunshine, frolicking in bikinis and short shorts. We should be a positive picture of health.
Except that’s not what happens. Here’s the shocking truth (this is breaking CNN style news):
Summer makes you fat.
Firstly it’s the holidays. Everyone knows that when you are on holiday, you can eat whatever you like because ‘I’m on holiday!’ Ice creams by the pool, an extra sausage
or two from the BBQ and copious quantities of alcohol – an ice cold lager in the blazing Turkish sun or Pimms and Lemonade in the back garden. Each social drink with friends – which you have to do while enjoying the summer (it’s the law) – means calories. Lots and lots of calories. And no matter how you might fool yourself into believing that all that swimming/walking/running/yoga you are doing on holiday is keep the calories at bay, it’s not.
What will happen is you’ll get back to normal life. Those roomy maxi dresses and kaftans you slipped on over your bikini on holiday now have to be traded for something slightly warmer and more sensible. Like trousers. With buttons and zips. Suddenly things feel snug. You were pretty certain you weren’t fat on holiday. After all, you had a tan. And you could walk next to the swimming pool and think, ‘Not bad Mrs, not too bad after all.’
Because there were no full length mirrors anywhere.
But back home, all those calories you consumed suddenly arrive around your belly and backside, like some kind of delayed, jetlagged air passenger. For a start, you have a mirror and bathroom scales at home. Both reveal the shocking truth. Then you try on pair of jeans after pair of jeans and think that perhaps the tumble dryer setting has been on a bit high as they all seem to have shrunk. And that tanned skin starts to fade to its normal pasty white revealing the true horrors that summer has wrought on your body.
You are not the bronzed beach goddess you let yourself imagine you were only a few short weeks ago. You are instead fat.
It is very, very weep inducing.
I have decided that I need to lose a stone. That’s about 7kg for people from countries who don’t compare themselves to the size of boulders. I have commenced my fitness regime and my eat less regime and my absolutely no drinking during the week regime. I have even taken photographs of myself in my underwear (Dear God, only something for the incredibly brave) which I will use as my motivation to stay the course.
It is terribly dull. But needs must. I have until Christmas to slim down. Then I can pack it all on again. And then come next spring I can start to starve myself again for the impending beach trips of summer. And before you know it, we’ll be back here again next year. Yippee!
Do let me know if you plan on joining me in the big September slim down – which I shall from here-on-in call Slimtember™. We can share tips and cry together.