Weighty issues


August 27, 2013 by talkaboutyork


Everyone thinks that winter is when you get fat. All that huddling in doors, eating warming stews and pudding, hibernating. It makes sense. We need the added layers of fat to keep warm. In contrast, summer is all salad leaves and exercise in the sunshine, frolicking in bikinis and short shorts. We should be a positive picture of health.

Except that’s not what happens. Here’s the shocking truth (this is breaking CNN style news):

Summer makes you fat.

Firstly it’s the holidays. Everyone knows that when you are on holiday, you can eat whatever you like because ‘I’m on holiday!’ Ice creams by the pool, an extra sausage or two from the BBQ and copious quantities of alcohol – an ice cold lager in the blazing Turkish sun or Pimms and Lemonade in the back garden. Each social drink with friends – which you have to do while enjoying the summer (it’s the law) – means calories. Lots and lots of calories. And no matter how you might fool yourself into believing that all that swimming/walking/running/yoga you are doing on holiday is keep the calories at bay, it’s not.

What will happen is you’ll get back to normal life. Those roomy maxi dresses and kaftans you slipped on over your bikini on holiday now have to be traded for something slightly warmer and more sensible. Like trousers. With buttons and zips. Suddenly things feel snug. You were pretty certain you weren’t fat on holiday. After all, you had a tan. And you could walk next to the swimming pool and think, ‘Not bad Mrs, not too bad after all.’

Because there were no full length mirrors anywhere.

But back home, all those calories you consumed suddenly arrive around your belly and backside, like some kind of delayed, jetlagged air passenger. For a start, you have a mirror and bathroom scales at home. Both reveal the shocking truth. Then you try on pair of jeans after pair of jeans and think that perhaps the tumble dryer setting has been on a bit high as they all seem to have shrunk. And that tanned skin starts to fade to its normal pasty white revealing the true horrors that summer has wrought on your body.

You are not the bronzed beach goddess you let yourself imagine you were only a few short weeks ago. You are instead fat.

It is very, very weep inducing.

I have decided that I need to lose a stone. That’s about 7kg for people from countries who don’t compare themselves to the size of boulders. I have commenced my fitness regime and my eat less regime and my absolutely no drinking during the week regime. I have even taken photographs of myself in my underwear (Dear God, only something for the incredibly brave) which I will use as my motivation to stay the course.

It is terribly dull. But needs must. I have until Christmas to slim down. Then I can pack it all on again. And then come next spring I can start to starve myself again for the impending beach trips of summer. And before you know it, we’ll be back here again next year. Yippee!

Do let me know if you plan on joining me in the big September slim down – which I shall from here-on-in call Slimtember™. We can share tips and cry together.



9 thoughts on “Weighty issues

  1. BIG sister says:

    I’m joining you in Slimtember! I’m on a crazy juice diet. It’s crazy because you live on a freshly juiced veges and fruit and nothing else. I spent a week feeling quite unwell as my body detoxed, but now I’m feeling good. I’ve lost 2kgs in a week and even though I expected to feel really hungry, I don’t. Not quite sure how I will transition onto normal food again, but hey I’ve got another 13 kgs to go so I’ll worry about that later.

    • Well big sister I am trying (trying being the operative word) to do the 5:2 diet which involves two days of fasting a week (500 calories on those days) followed by normal eating the rest of the time. Apparently the fast days get easier. Apparently it really works and changes your entire mindset to food. Apparently fasting has numerous health benefits. I shall let you know if those claims are true when I am gnawing my arm off on a fast day….

  2. You’ve read my mind!! Am there! Went on the dreaded scales this morning – need to shed 1.5 stones – am wearing only my fattest of fat clothes – feel like a weeble – I will be slim(mer) by Christmas – goodbye size14!!!

  3. Potty Mummy says:

    Best of luck with it; I can recommend the ‘catching a bug on holiday’ diet, although it does rather interfere with the drinking beer / wine / pimms with friends in the sunshine duties, so perhaps not a good tip in the real world…

  4. barbedwords says:

    I totally agree with you, summer is just the worst time for piling on the pounds. I’ve been thinking about the 5:2 diet so will join you on that. Although a bug sounds a lot easier. The first question I ask friends who’ve had a stomach bug is, “so how much weight have you lost???”

  5. Totally agree, and will join you. What with the move and everything, this summer has been all about letting go and eating and drinking, for me. I’m hoping the return to the school term will bring more of a routine for everybody, not just the children.

  6. Iota says:

    Yup, I’m on for Slimtember.

    I weigh pretty much what I have always weighed (with little ups and downs), or maybe just 3 or 4 lbs more (sorry, I’m in lbs, not kgs, but 4 lbs is 1.8kg). But the miserable thing is that I have so changed shape that it’s all in a great big wodge round my middle. I guess my legs and bottom are thinner than they used to be. Or maybe my brain has turned to fat and dropped down. It’s not summer, in my case. It’s AGE.

    Anyway, I’m on for Slimtember.

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