September 13, 2013 by talkaboutyork
I came perilously close to saying, ‘Sod it’ and buying Colin the Caterpillar cake from Tesco. It would have cost infinitely less than all the packets of different coloured icing I needed not to mention the butter, eggs, flour, cocoa etc. But my maternal halo jammed itself down on my head forcing me once again into the bi-annual self-flagellation by spatula.
It didn’t start well. I burnt the cakes. I never burn cakes. But luckily the recipe did say you had to trim the edges which were the very bits that were burnt. It’s almost as though I planned it that way.
I then opted for ready-made buttercream. Because frankly, I didn’t feel like washing the kitchen aid bowl out twice.
While I waited for the cake to cool, I started cutting out rugby shirt shapes. They started out looking like dresses for transvestites. Or angels. The shorts looked more like pantaloons.
Once the cake had cooled, I smeared it with the chocolate icing to make it look like a muddy pitch. This was good, because muddy pitches look messy. And I excel at messy. I do not excel at smooth surfaces that don’t have cake crumbs stuck in them.
Then I started to assemble my players. It didn’t go well. Apparently, despite being South African, I have no idea how the men in scrums actually fit together. So we ended up with nine players each side instead of the usual eight. And they all sort of look as though they have face planted, lost their heads underneath someone else’s shorts, had their legs amputated or are just plain exhausted from it all. I should have created a mini St John’s ambulance on the side of the cake because they really look as though they need one.
But I did it. This cake shall be added to my birthday cake baking annuls which I shall pull out and show to my children one day when they are choosing my old age home.
Here is a reminder of what it should look like:
And now with a drum roll please……this is what it ACTUALLY looks like:
I tried ok. Someone pass the wine please.